hmmm i should so be asleep by now!
you know, i think i need to own up to myself...
i keep telling myself that the reason im avoiding thinking about how my eating is going is because im doing fine, and finding a life outside of my eating disorder.
the latter bit is partly true, but i think maybe im avoiding thinking about it so i dont feel guilty when i 'accidently' forget to have breakfast or lunch, or i 'dont feel like' finishing my dinner.
i didnt really twig it till earlier when come 12.45 i had walked out of the house to go shopping not having eaten or drank anything, and in my head i had justified it with 'im not hungry, and no one eats when they arent hungry', but maybe thats just an excuse to get out of eating.
if im honest i havent really been eating well for a while. im still calorie counting a lot, and tend to avoid food during the day, but often feel like i have binged in the evening (being realistic, its not a binge, just unplanned food).
i know i should get up tomorrow, and eat breakfast. i know what i should have, and i know i should get lunch and not leave half of it, and have dinner, and probably a snack or 2 too, but for some reason i find that scary
in my head, its fine, because im not loosing weight, yet if i was talking to anyone else, i would tell them how its not the weight thats important...
why is it so much harder to swallow your own advice?!
i want to say that i will make tomorrow different, but i equally dont want to lie. i will eat enough to be at college, which will probably be more than normal.
somehow i need to find a way to kick myself into gear again
Often, the hardest person to be honest with is ourselves. I would say keep doing the 'if this was my best friend what would I think' trick, it can be really useful at reminding you, you wouldnt expect anyone else to neglect themselves as you are, so why should you expect it from yourself? <3 *hugs*
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