things have been a little mixed (hence not really chatting)
ed has been louder then normal, and last therapy session she acctually asked what was going on with food (we have never focused on it before, normally we focas on everything else). so i had to keep a food diary (with thoughts n feelings) last week, and this weeks challenge is to plan my meals, and eat mindfully :( means im not meant to be eating walking (like i almost always do), or eat infront of the tv (like i do when im not walking)... apparently i should be focusing on my food when im eating, as otherwise its almost cheat eating... which was kinda the pointe, waaaaaayyyyy easier to eat when i dont think im eating. :(
i dont want to have to think about eating, i dont want to have to eat, and im not even sure i want to be better. i mean of course i want to be better, but i dont want to have to do the getting better bit. i just want to be there now!
tonight has been a bit scary, i have eaten plenty already today, yet my body is still hungry, and i dont want to eat any more because i dont want this many calories as it is, let alone more. i dont know what to make of it, i feel so bloody large :(
The mindful eating is something the ed unit wanted me to master, I didnt then, but do now. Its not as daunting as it sounds I think, its just because its something unkown. Believe in yourself <3
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