boo

Gah

my head is a mess

i hate food...ed...thinking.

food hasnt been going wonderfully latley, and today the therapist brought it up for the first time. normally we focus on other things, but she asked how i had been with all the stress going on at the mo... i dont know what made her ask this week and not a few weeks back, but she did!

i was honest with her, and she wants me to keep a food/thoughts diary to challenge how i think about food.

the problem is, im not sure i want to challenge it.

i know i need to, but there is still so much of me that wants to loose weight that i dont know how i feel about eating normally. even if it doesnt make me gain a ton, its still a lot of food, and i dont think i need to have that much. iv lived this long without.

what frustrates me is that im already unable to concentrate and cold, and i really havent been restricting that much, or doing it for that long. how is it my body is already being a twat about it?

it makes me so frustrated that you cant be thin AND have a life/be happy etc etc etc. it seems unfair that everyone else is aloud to get to the weights they want.

blah