well, here it is...
im using food to cover everything up again arent i... obviously.
had group today, and it got to the last 10 min, having sat in silence for the 10 min before that, and i was really hoping someone would ask how i am (i know it sounds mental, but i find it hard to give myself permission to take up the space). no one did, and i kept thinking i should just say it, and *eventually* i opend my mouth and said 'iv had a really difficult week'... sat in silence a little longer and eventually with a bit of prodding i started talking.
originally it was just the hole 'my weight is driving me nuts'
but what it actually got too was the old being scared of college (and in particularly having to meet lots of people again), of my friend not having been in touch at all since she was back, of having gone home this weekend, gotten on the bus i used to get back from school and feeling physically sick n shaky for no reason, and general frustration of all of the above.
so, that is why i am messing around with food so much- and thats what i need to remember.
not eating is not going to solve any of the above. it might mask the feelings and turn the volume down a bit, but it wont solve any of it.
i'v also been thinking about the person i see. i am not really finding it useful, i feel very stuck with her, like we have the same conversations a lot, and it isnt really being useful. i also find it hard with the italien accent (its not the easiest to understand sometimes) and although her english is good, things still get lost a little. i just feel like i dont want to let her in, and feel embarrassed when i say things (yes i know that is me not her). but having had a phone call saying i dont have to see her till the 10th and feeling happy and releived seems to suggest to me maybe the partnership isnt right.... opinions wanted please!
i have an appointment with the psychiatrist on monday, and was wondering if i should say something, or if its rude not to have spoken to franchesca first - its a pain that i wont have seen her for 2 weeks, i could have brough it up, but i only see dr r every few months.... what do you guys think?!
I don't think it's rude not to mention it to her first, providing you address the issue sensitively. Have a long think about how you are going to phrase it. Be positive about her as well as citing the problems you feel you have as well. Try to emphasis that while you appreciate that she is good at her job and she's done nothing wrong, but that you just don't feel that you've bonded in a way in which you can open up with her. If the psych is connected with her and good at their job they should be able to understand and either recommend a new strategy for you or recommend how you can find someone new. Hope that makes some sort of sense.
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