when did i get so fat?
my friend just sent me pics of the concert i did the other day. i look practically obese, yet i cant stop eating.
i disgust myself.
werent these feelings meant to go?
i feel like im feeling worse, but not helping myself (loosing weight). im just looking in the mirror and going 'well this fucking sucks'. it feels lazy and wrong. i should be doing something about it, but then everyone else says i shouldnt be.
i cant stand it, i just want to cry, but instead im trundling along trying (and failing) to practice instead.
im feeling so tired all of the time, yet im not sleeping enough at night.
im just feeling under the weather 24/7, and its not making it any easier to tell my head that things are so much better then they were - because they really dont feel it.
i feel very alone and very tired of this.
i know i cant go backwards, but i cant see that there is anywhere forwards to go.
i feel like im just 'being fine' for everyone else - im tired.
I really want to help, to hug you...something. we don't chat much these days but do give me a shout any time. You got my number still?
ReplyDeleteOh, and your not fat. But...me saying that doesn't help.
<3 lots of love
And...regardless of size...we all love you for you...not a number. xxx
((hugs)) I completely relate Lottie though I'm sorry I can't offer any advice. I keep waiting for something to change and to no longer care how much I weigh.. but it feels like a constant battle right now. Thinking of you xx
ReplyDeleteLottie i know it feels awful feeling fat (which u are in noooo way) because u are more than likely comparing yourself to your lowest weight (i know thats what i do anyway)but u have to try and remember that u are healthy now that does NOT equel fat. I hate when people say that to me in the past but they were right. We are comparing ourseleves to emaciated ill very sick girls. Eds have ruinned so much of our lives are we really going to let a number or feeling fat take over? Hell no! We have got to push through. I KNOW how strong u are i have seen it and so i KNOW things will get better for u and u WILL feel happiness again and u will learn to love u like we all do xxx
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