Hi guys,
well things are better then they were - im out of bed, and at college.
Today was almost ok, had a bit of a 'kick charlotte into shape' lesson from Annabel yesterday, which although annoying, was probably good. I know i haven been doing enough - iv been in bed as much as i could get away with - pulling the duvet over everything.
so, had concort, which was better then last time (because i didnt feel like i wanted to murder everyone), and performance class, which i had to play for.
i didnt play that well, played form memory, and made mistakes because i have been relearning some fingerings, so it was a bit shit, but everyone was very positive and encouraging, and i was almost feeling like it was ok...
until my lesson with Ross... it felt crap, it was crap. Since he has decided to leave, i feel like he doesnt give a crap about teaching us. he has even admited that he doesnt, and i feel like its a waste of time having them - im not learning, and i come out feeling far worse about my playing then i did before.
today, i felt like he was bored, and that he didnt really want to teach me.
It makes me feel like im useless and not worth teaching
which then equals 'im stupid and fat - why the hell am i still eating?'
i know that is not a logical leap, but it is how i feel.
Part of me has been contemplating throwing out my scales- as its not making me happy, but then nor is staying at this weight.
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