another let down.

So, another pretty crappy week, the worst of it being that the person i have been seeing since the end of jan at the ed place has told me she has too stop seeing me, as she is being moved back to working with the IP again.

im pretty pissed off to be honest, as this is the only person i have ever seen here that i can actually talk to, and its been cut off almost as soon as its started. She has asked for an 'extended' ending, which gives me 9 sessions left before i am left too it.

I asked if i would see someone else after, and she sais she isnt sure. she says she knows im not better yet, and that she is aweare its come at a really bad time (no shit), but that there is nothing she can do, and she doesnt know what can/will be offered after.

the worst thing is, that the aftercare group i have been in since leaving IP has an 18 month cut off, which essentially means all of my current support is being dropped at the same time.

im not sure that im going to be able too cope.

food has been a bit crappy lately anyway, but this really hasnt helped matters. she wants me to get my bloods done next time im there, and its not like my body ever looses weight, so in recovery terms, i guess thats a good thing, but its needless too say pissing my ed head off!

i have my technical exam (scales n studies) on wednesday, and i have barley practiced - my head has not been in the right space - but it will likley mean i really screw it up.

my wrists have also been majorly painful, im only managing a couple of hours playing in a day, and they are so achey that i want to tear them off. I have an appointment with a had specialist on tuesday in london, and really hoping she will be able to help, because im not going to get through music college like this, let alone have a career in it

i just want too cry all of the time. im so fed up of feeling messed around, and let down.
Im fed up of trying too trust people, every time i do, i get handed the evidence of why i shouldnt,
Im not even sure i want a new person - i dont want this too happen again.