computer geeks and a numb bum!

that about sums up today!!!
stewarding at college, for 11 hours, was the most tediouse day ever! my bum was numb after about the first hour!
the joke of it is, it was a computer conference, full of rather sterio typical geeky socialy inept blokes, and there was a book on one of the stand about forming a good social comunity...made me giggle =-)

found food a bit hard, just wanted too restrict lots, i havent too much, i think iv had around 1000 kcal, and will probably have something before bed.

i think there is a lot on my mind.

tomorrow i have a biopsy of the lump in my breast, which is fine, but a hassel and they will acctually make a visabe mark on it wich is a bit pants! thats at half 10, and then its back too daycare at 12, which again im not overly excited about!

very awear i finish next week, which i am mixed about. i know being here is pointless if i cant mannage it, and i have gotten some benefit from it, tho i know im not getting much from it now. i think im nerves about not having the support of the girls around, and also not being made too eat weather i want it or not. i guess i will find it weird not going there most days, i have been there 1/4 of a year which is nuts, and it doesnt feel that long, but it will be odd not having the staff too kick me up the arse!

im a bit scared of being alone i guess. i think i know there is a large large part that isnt behaving itself, and wants too loose weight...but thats going too be there weather im in daycare or not, and its not daycare that stops me listening too it.

its a change, and its scary being left too my own devices.

still, i have after care group once a week, and pam once a week, and i think il be seeing dr nasiri too, not that he is any use.
im not sure if they will moniter my weight or not, i kinda hope they will because itl make me less likely too loose it.

also trying too decide what too do about college. i think i want too re take second year. i dont feel ready too do a year thats marked, as i dont trust myself too get through it without time off... particularly if i start acctually talking about stuff with pam, i think i may be knocked for 6 for a bit.

it would take some of the pressure off and just give me a chance too sort myself out without stressing over college.

i dont know, im scared of the future i guess.

i feel unmotivated, particularly around college. but i know its probably because im scared of failing... silly head!

i hope i can sort myself out. x