everyones leaving...again

well, here i am feeling sad and sorry for myself.

so, laura is off in canada for a year (being one of my closest friends), and becky, the person im closest too up in birmingham, is now off to inpatient on monday...

i am so glad she is going in and being helped, but it just seems to bring up old feelings. it always happened that as soon as i had someone i started to get close too, something happened, or someone would say something, and that would be the end of the friendship. either that, or they would move away.

i guess i never really had any long lasting bonds, and i find it hard to cope still when people leave, as i am scared that il be alone again.

i will miss bex loads, she is someone i have been doing really well with recovery wise, and it will be hard without her...no more recovery club or cupcake trips! i think i find it hard alone, as i have no reason too do it...being around her means i have to because she has to, and i know she is the same.

i know its for the best, and il be fine, but its just a bit difficult, as i am discharged next thursday, and its just another change.

i feel like i need people around, but dont know who to ask, or how to ask. i feel alone and scared of everything thats going round my head.

so, as a result tonight i have purged twice...binged once. i think i just wanted too ignore myself, and thats what the purging helps with.

blahblahblah!