well,
having gotten my mark for my recital, i have been slipping.
i got an unexpected 58. which is lower then i have ever had, made worse by the fact that i thought it had gone well.
i have cried a lot.
i have been desperate to cut (i have many scratches)
i made myself sick
i have restricted my food.
i am slipping into my old familiar pattern that i have been missing for years.
i know i shouldn't be doing this, but i just want to loose the extra half stone i put on this year.
i was a healthy weight without it.
it wont take long
i need to do this.
oh dear.
If you lost it healthily, then it would be very different. There is nothing wrong with deciding to loose a little-its the how and the why. What do you think will be fixed by loosing weight?
ReplyDeleteWhat does the boy thing?What about how it might make your flatmate feel?
Also try working out what % of the overall degree classification the recital will have-sometimes it can be as little as 3%. Instead of beating yourself up, which wont help your practice and performance, it will make it harder, look at the comments, ask what made you get that mark. It might show you what you need to focus on for the next performance, and that could be better long term for your playing.
You yourself know you wont stop at half a stone, and how quickly your whole degree could be jeopardy again.
Are you going to be honest at group with what is going on, because if you do that, it could be what helps you learn for next time, how to deal with times like this, and that will ultimately mean that you will get to the place where therapy no longer has to be a part of your life.