Letter to 7 year old Charlotte

Dear Charlotte,

well, where do i start?
i have been angry at you for many years.
i was angry that you couldnt fit in, that you were stupid, that you tried so hard but never succeeded, but most of all, that no matter what you did, you couldnt make things better.i blamed you for not beang able to cope, to just get on with things.

After all, other people have it worse.

Looking at this aged 22, i have started to realise these views arent really fair. you were just a child. i wouldnt turn around to another 7 year old and tell her to just deal with it. i wouldnt expect her to, because no one should. That child should be cared for and supported, not blamed for its situation. I guess its not you i should be angry at.
It should be the people around you. The people who chased you, called you names, beat you up. The people who ignored you, who whispered constantly and who couldnt see that you were just another kid, just like any other. I should be angry at your teachers for not seeing, or not wanting to help. Who hurt you just as much in the classroom as the children did at break. I should be angry at your parents for not making things better. for not holding you close and telling you everything would be alright. I should be angry at those 5 schools for watching it happen without question. At Omi for all that she has done without knowing it. For my family for agreeing without question, and that stupid mentality of just getting on with things. I should be angry at the things that led my grandparents to be who they are. At what happened to pop's family in Nazi germany, for him never learning how to deal with it because its just too much.

I should be angry with everything but you.

You were just a child, i would want to protect you, not blame you. I would want to listen to youre tears, to hug you, to find ways of boosting your confidence. I would want open conversations. To listen when your day wasnt good, and to show you that it doesnt always have to be that way.

I would take care of you.
Maybe its time i start trying,

Lottie xxx