='-(

well hello my dears,

im not feeling to bright today, in fact i feel pretty pants.

maybe lonly would be a better word.

i just feel like i want to cry, for no real reason, other then i feel pretty by myself. i keep busy, and i see people around, but i cant remember the last time i sat and had a chat and a coffee with someone. i had a 5 min chat to someone in college, but other then that i havent really seen anyone for the last few days :-(

i know im restricting more then i should be, but it seems to be the only thing that stops me being so sad (yes i know its a quick fix and wont work for long). i dont want to go backwards, but i dont see a way forwards either. i feel so stuck.

every day i keep going, and going, and going. i wake up, i get up, i practice, i do the erands i need to do and eat mostly what i should, but nothing is getting any easier, and i dont have anyone i can say it to.

i tried on a dress that fitted me last time i was well, and i cant zip it up past my boobs. i know it silly, and something most people would be happy with, but it is really bugging me. im bigger then i was last time at a healthy weight and i was too big then, and im too big now.

iv had enough of pretending everything is so fine and dandy, when all i want to do is hide away and cry.