another day, another ton of food!

well,
still here, still eating, and still alive!

today has been okish, i dont know, mixed mixed but a better mix then the last few days.

i have gone another day without purging, and i havent self harmed either, in any way which is good.

my weight has stayed the same, but its still freaking me out, i hate it.

had appointment with one of the doctors, was good to chat to him, i explained more about the time i wanted (as in be given some time to maintain my weight), he said that they will probably want me at a BMI of 20, which gave me the chance to say, yes, if i had some maintanence time, so hopefully he will take that on bored.
i also told him things had been pretty hard and spoke it through with him.

found meals hard, especially lunch. it was sandwhich and crisps, and i cant stand seeing the marge on the sandwhich. i could see it and taste that with full fat cheese. a big challenge. got caught trying to squeeze the marge out, which is probably a good thing, but annoyed me!
dinner was lasagne =-s

after dinner, sarah came and grabbed me to finishof the timeline.
she was surprisingly nice!
i think we miss understood each other to begin with, and she has been quite open to me that he first thoughts were wrong, which has made me feel more able to talk to her. after the timeline we had a chat about things, she wants me to talk to staff more still, and to try and tell people when im not ok!
we talked about how i think of myself (attention seeking, needy, useless, fat etc etc), and she went through counteracting them all with what she thinks. it made me feel a bit better about being here when she said 'attention seeking, you need to be here so no'. i guess its a releif to know she isnt thinking im here for no reason any more!

im feeling a little better about things here, i need to work on a lot, especially saying how i am feeling and doing things for me, not others (it has been noticed i tend to chair the groups, i think i tend to fit where there is a need if that makes sense).

i hope tomorrow is ok,

good night! x