i have an ed in my head

and he wont bugger off!
bloody bastered!

i havent posted for a while, not felt very talkative.

i have under 3 weeks left now, and im scared.
they are pushing me through things so fast (they have admitted they wouldnt if i had more time there). like im now unsupervised for all snacks and lunch and portioning breakfast, and next week i will be unsupervised for everything and also cooking/food shipping... reguardless of the fact that im still having major struggles... it just feels like a bit of a joke.

i mean rushing me through things isnt exactly giving me enough time to get used to any of it.

at this rate, ed is gripping on tight and i dont have the time/support to boot him out the door.

i had leave this weekend, 3-11 the next day friday, and 9-5 today.
skipped breakfast coz i was an idiot an weighed myself, and skipped afternoon snack today because im a twat.

also had 1/2 a pizza for lunch today (yay), and friday night (yay), but they spoiled my feeling proud by telling me i should have had carbs with it...

so all in all i am not doing so great.

i think its because im scared of not managing it, i dont know.

i wish i could be ok =-(

i wish they would give me a little more time.

the ironic thing is, if i was a few pounds lighter, they would, and they would make me get to a bmi of 20-21, yet because its only 18.8 im not that ill and even tho im naturally a stone and a bit heavier they dont care and wont help me get there/maintain it. it feels like when you dont want help, they chuck it at you, but as soon as you want it they take it away.


ed still wants me to loose weight. i need a new brain.