well i guess that says it, im just not sure i should be here.
i had ward review today, and she asked if i was upset things were going well. she said apparently it looks like im worried they think im doing ok. its silly, they make a point about you talking to them, and as soon as you do, they think im making it up for them...
she asked if i felt like i shouldnt be here, and weather i wanted a longer addmission to feel ill enough... noooooooo that was not why i wanted a longer admission, i wanted it because i know what im like at maintainging weight... but nevermind.
i guess a lot of me is thinking i need to leave now before i put on the weight. there is no point putting it on and then leaving n loosign it, i may as well just leave now and not have the stress/hassel.
i dont know, im all very mixed.
yes i do feel stupid being here, and i feel like a fake and a fraud and like a big fat heffer.
i freaked out over dinner yesterday because it was curry, and again i was asked if it was coz i was worried they thought i was doing fine...no, its because im shit scared of curry. idiot.
god almighty, maybe this is the wrong place for me to be, i dont know. maybe i should be at home right now being able to do what i like.
im not sure which side of my head is saying what.
so confused. x
No comments:
Post a Comment