rough day

cant i just leave now and forget everything?

its all too hard.

i went through my time line today with sarah, well some of it, didnt have time to finish.
it just sucked.

she told me that they need to see that bit of me, that she was wondering why i was here, and is really glad that she has found out some stuff... i feel like a mess tho.

i dont know how to act, how to be, my head is a mess.

i didnt manage dinner, had suppliment and after crying half an hour, purged anyway. purged my 7.30 drink in the garden (how grose am i) and my 9.30 snack too... i know i shouldnt but i cant face food right now, and they didnt notice so i got away with it.

there is too much in my head.

i can not convey to you quite how much i hate the person i am.

this person makes me so angry, why couldnt she just get on with things when she was younger? why the fuck couldnt she cope?

she should have been able to. it wasnt that bad, she is just a weak pathetic idiot who deserves it all anyway.

i look back at pictures of myself and i want to rip them apart. how can anyone like someone like me? how the fuck do they think im a nice person? its a fucking joke.

i dont want to eat, because quite frankly i dont give a shit enough to feed myself. i dont want to care for someone i hate, and i dont particularly care weather that person is alive or not.

i have had enough of it all. i want to be aloud to starve and purge, i want to crush the little girl inside me so much that she cant ever make a noise again. i want her pathetic self gone.

i hate myself.