hey hey hey,
well it is bank holiday monday, and so far i have yet to have a lie in, pants, had 3 attempts this weekend and all failed miserably!
food isnt really going so well,
basically been throwing up a lot, i think its because i went up almost a kg, and then freaked out. according to my scales im back down to 44kg this morning (thank god), but i have been throwing up at least once a day since thursday. well, on thursday it was 4 times (bad night), i think i had friday off throwing up acctually which is good, and then saturday i think once, yesterday twice, and today once so far.
i just keep freaking out at the food, dont want to put on weight, and dont want to be eating this much, so i almost automatically go to the loo after eating. its very silly, and im scared of telling them tomorrow in group, but i will have to be honest with them.
im so mixed up with food, i cant work out if i want to do this or not, and if i do, how on earth to acctually let it happen. im so scared of eating, gaining weight, letting my body be what it should be, im scared of not being in control of it.
its funny because on 1 side i see myself all better and living a happy life, and on the other, im with ed, and feeling like i do now, but that seems so much less scary. doesnt make any sense!
wish i would just wave a wand and make it dissapear!
No comments:
Post a Comment