recovery from here on in...

am i aloud to run away screaming instead?!!!

on the pluss side, i survived today, i am alive, i am in one peice (certainly physically, maybe not mentally!), and it wont be as scary tomorrow.

i have also eaten the first baguette i have had in 10 years...thats a WHOLE TEN YEARS!!!!
it also had real mayo AND real butter....both of which i very rarely touch.

yes, i did cry over it (only once i had finished and was aloud to leave the table), and i was the last to finish and had the most overwelming urge to run back out the doors and find a place to throw up n never come back, but i stayed and i was ok.

the other girls there are so lovely, all sticks (i hate them for that!), but very sweet and supportive, i felt bad for crying but they all said they had felt like that on there first day, but after a couple of weeks itl get easier.

i basically spent the day in appointments with people, and a physical, an assesment of my mental health, an assesment with the nutritionist, and tomorrow they have arranged for me to have an ECG and my bloods done.
was slightly embarrasing having to strip down to my bra and knickers for a male doctor, but i guess itl be even more fun tomorrow with the ECG...just hope its the whoman doing that! the only thing i noticed is some of my reflexes didnt work, which is a bit weird, but i dont know what that means!

silly questions like 'do you get dizzy' got asked, but i never really think about it because its pretty normal!

im on intraductory portions, which im glad about so dont have to do snacks yet, and meals ar 1/3rd smaler then they will be.

tomorrow for breakfast, it will be a slice of toast with butter, weetabix with hot milk, AND orange juice... thats more then i would usually have in a day. Then, its pasta with tomatoe sauce and cheese for lunch *major scary food*, and im meant to try and add some carbohydrate to my stirfry tomorrow, tho after pasta im not sure.

i dont know, my head feels a mess, and most of me doesnt want to do it, but then it was always going to be like that. i still wanted to be thinner befroe i started (stupid ed wanted to prove he was real), but im trying to go along with it and just do it.

anyway, im tired with a bad headache. bed, early start.