well this sucks, i just purged twice... stupid stupid charlotte!!!
im feeling very mixed today.
i had my meeting to discuss the last 2 weeks, and they have decided that i stay for a further 6 weeks, i am discharged on the 1st of july.
the only thing is, i am rather scared that 6 weeks isnt long enough for me to change properly. im not going to have any time to maintain my weight before i go, as they want me to go up to 47.5kg, and we gain .5 of a kilogram a week. so that means il gain weight, leave, and have no support when it comes to keeping it up =-s
everyone has told me to talk to them, but i cant do it, im not very good at contradicting people, so the idea of telling them i feel i may need longer when they say 6 weeks is almost impossible. im scared they will tell me im being stupid, or attention seeking.
i think i made myself sick because im angry at my self for being so useless. im annoyed that i still find it so hard to put across my views, and i just sit and smile. its a barrier i cant see a way across.
i also went into evolution (where i used to work), to say hi and buy a candle, and Kay asked straight out why i had lost a lot of weight. im pretty sure she expected what i told her, which im mixed about. she seemed to surprisingly clued up, so i wonder if she has had problems her self. especially as she was asking all the right questions (like do you want to give it up, and, is it about control). i kinda cut the conversation short because i felt a bit uncomfortable, but she now knows all about the food issues of the last 10 years!
i did try and walk around town to distract my self from vomiting, but i guess it didnt work =-(
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