too many thoughts =-s

ok, so as im sitting here i am all too awear that it is only 7 days untill i start day care...
7 days too short, too long, im not really decided, but i am deffinatly scared.
i am very scared of lots of things...

1) putting on weight
2) eating that much food
3) failing at recovery and disapointing people
4) wasting a space someone else needs more
5) them telling me it was a mistake and to get lost because it wont help me
6) to be the fatest one there (yes irrational i know)
7) not getting on with the other girls there
8) starting and getting chucked out before i feel ready
9) many many more things...

im very awear that this is probably the only help il be given, and i am so scared that it wont help me, and then what? i cant be stuck like this for another 10 years, because if the ed doesnt kill me, then im pretty sure depression will, and that is not the plan.

i dont want to fail at it, but as usual my way of not failing is to not try, and thats what im desperate to do, even tho i know that i cant with this, i just want to run for the door tho.

i cant bear to see my family so excited that im going to get help because it means they might be let down, and thats the one thing i try never to do. i please people, thats what i do, and thats what iv always done, and what if i dissapoint them?

what if what if what if... stupid brain... must find the off switch!