what a messy head!!!

my goodness me,
my head feels like its so full it might explode!!!
tomorrow 3 people are leaving... 1 has got to her discharge date, 1 has decided she has had enough, and the other isnt doing very well so they are going to try a different approach.

im feeling a bit sad about it, used to them being around, and im worried that they wont do very well, just have to keep my fingers and toes crossed. this illness is so horrible, it claims the nicest people iv met, and makes them ill and miserable =-(

the last couple of days i have found very difficult. my head is full of feelings, and im unable to talk about it. any attempt iv made has ended in me being told to think about it later and not let it stick in my mind... they sure know how to deal with people with eating disorders... not!

its so frustrating, i have tried and tried to work out how to change how i cope, and every time i feel like i can try something new im told to not do it, but that just means i carry on using food to cope.

it feels impossible to change my eating habbits whilst my feelings are the same and im not being helped with that.

im not looking forwards to day care tomorrow, i dont like good bye's, and i am not looking forwards to friday, as there will only be 4 of us left.

i hate eating disorders for what they do to the most fantastic and lovely people i know.