Friday, 21 May 2010

battle in my head

ok, so i am unbeleivably 2 sided about the whole recovery thing!

i want to get better, but i want to get thinner
i want to eat, but i hate eating
i want to live normally, but living without this scares me
i want to let go, but i feel like i need this to live...

i know i have to accept i need to gain weight and let myself, but i am finding that hard. Jude came and chatted too me today about it, and warned me that i need to do it else i cant stay here, which would mean i wouldnt be able to have much help.

im so scared of doing it, scared of thinking of a life without it =-(

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