helloooo blog blog blog!!!

oooo looked over at horris's cage just now and thought i saw a dead horris, thankfully it is obnly a toilet role tube!!!

well, i was feeling very miserable earlier, but having come back home and thrown up rather then cut (i have had a very big urge to do that latly, but obviously with a boyfriend it is impossible to hide it, so i a very glad that i so far have been good!) and calmed down am feeling a lot better!
also, somehow managed to give myself a blister on my middle finger from purging, so having popped it, im hoping it will maybe stop me doing that untill it forms a scab?! (fingers crossed). how i did it i dont know, probably just from my teeth, but not something i have ever done before!

i acctually am going to have a bath with candles, a bath bomb from lush and a book in a bit (once the water has heated up enough), as it will stop me being around food, and will be a lot nicer!

i felt really rough earlier from not eating enough so didnt get much practice done, maybe if i eat some readybreak before going in to college tomorrow i may acctually manage some practice, if like to, because im not even managing the harp!

in theory doing bad practice is way worse then not practicing at all, because you form bad habbits easily, so thats one reason to eat properly, I WANT TO PRACTICE!!!...and become a super dooper recorder player, and then stufy something else, because that wont reaallllly get me a job!

also, another reason to get better, is that although i will be spendng more on a weekly shop, i will probably save a fortune on the amount i spend on spontaniouse binges/food to stop me fainting, i mean today on food iv thrown up and diet coke (which i tend to drink to fill me up when im not eating), id say i have easily spent £20...and that is just one day, which would explain where a lot of my student loan and money from working has gone! im acctually for better then i used to be as for as binging/purging goes, it used to be 7 times a day for a while, i dread to think how much i was spending...should have fone to pound land ;-)

no, im pretty ready to get better now,i want to beat this, and i want to do well at college and have a life, i want to be charlotte :-)